You come across toxic things every day — chemicals, foods, and even people. It’s not always easy to avoid things that are bad for you. Even when they are taken in small doses, too much of a bad thing is, well, a bad thing.

The Toxicity of Everyday Life

In a twisted way, the same goes for too much positivity. Yes, toxic positivity is a thing. It may sound like an oxymoron but forcing positivity on others, even yourself, can have a negative effect all its own. Imagine prying someone’s face with pliers to force a smile. Ouch! That’s no better than blowing glitter (aka, “the herpes of the art world”) on someone, knowing damn well they may never be able to get rid of it. Not everyone wants to sparkle all the time.

Your positive approach to life may be built on good intentions but sometimes it can backfire. It may be a good idea to take a step back and see what effects your words have on the people around you.

5 Positive Phrases That Go Wrong

Don’t worry, be happy. As carefree as Bobby McFerrin’s song may be, sometimes you have to care. It may not be enough to sit back and accept things as they are when life gets hard. Being laissez-faire, letting bad things happen to you rather than making good things happen, is not going to help in those situations. Respect the reality of your situation. Finding things you enjoy does not mean you should ignore the things that need your attention.

Good vibes only. Not allowing people to express themselves unless they fit your way of thinking makes you a positivity bully. We all go through hard times and no one should have to put a faux smile on their face just to be accepted. Instead, encourage a positive mindset by acknowledging that things can go wrong but emphasizing what can go right.

Never give up. Telling someone to never give up is terrible advice, especially when you are unlikely to know the whole story. Should someone stay in an abusive relationship or in a job they hate? Instead, it is better to ask someone what it is they really want out of a given situation. When they can answer this question for themselves, they can decide how to best move forward. Sometimes the best thing to do is to let go.

See the good in everything. Bad things happen to good people. The news reports on them every day, horrible things from mass shootings to natural disasters. Perhaps you know someone who was mugged or raped. I dare you to find the good in situations like these. Instead, acknowledge that not everything goes according to plan. It is okay to take a step back. It is okay to grieve. Not every cloud has to have a silver lining.

Stop being so negative. It is human nature to have a negative response to a tough situation. I doubt you will see many people jumping for joy when they find out their lover cheated on them, they lost their job, or they went bankrupt. Telling people to not be negative discounts their experiences. Instead, support them. You can encourage people to move on in a constructive way but you should not discount how they feel.

How to Avoid Toxic Positivity

None of this is to say you should not try to be positive. In this crazy world, we need a positive mindset more than ever! It’s just that positivity is not one size fits all. You need to avoid slipping into toxic positivity.

To do that, you need to assess each situation individually. Don’t automatically react and slap a smiley face on everything. Stop. Listen. Think. Then reply.

It’s more about empathy than positivity. When you understand where someone is coming from, you avoid toxic positivity by being real. That’s what helps people get through hard times. It allows people to focus on the good. That’s what life is all about.