The night my grandmother passed away, I took my dog outside for a walk.

My Late Night Visitor

As I opened the front door, I caught a movement at the corner of my eye. A red cardinal sat perched on a vine that wound its way through the slats on my porch. His color beamed bright under the moonlight, and he bent his head toward me as if waiting for me to start a conversation.

I gasped, but then I smiled wide and deep.

“It’s nice to see you, grandma.”

She chirped back.

Seeing Red

Many people believe that cardinals are our loved ones visiting us from heaven, that their tufted crests are symbolic antennae that connect us to the spiritual world. You may believe these things, or you may think they are hogwash. That doesn’t stop many cultures from putting faith in these beautiful creatures.

On more physical grounds, cardinals with their red color and feisty songs exude confidence. These birds are strong and self-assured. They also encourage the nurturing of family. After all, cardinals mate for life with both males and females taking care of their nests.

Do I believe in the symbolism of cardinals?

For me, timing is everything.

No Right Way to Grieve

Maybe I needed to see my cardinal that night. Maybe my grief was so overwhelming, trying to be strong for everyone else, that I needed to feel there was someone there for me. The visit was a way for me to peacefully honor her memory.

Each person will grieve in their own way. Some people are stoic, concealing every emotion from public view or even from themselves. Others are drama kings and queens, making themselves the center of attention, perhaps to redirect their nervous energy away from their pain.

Respect that we are different, that we all need our own time to come to terms. I personally believe in God, that we move from one plain to another, that life does not simply end — it just ends as we know it. That said, I will not push my beliefs on others. I am simply thankful my grandmother no longer suffers from the pain and complications of her cancer.

There are as many ways to grieve as there are people to grieve.

Seeking Higher Ground

It’s okay to be sad when someone passes away, even when we know they are sick. Loss of life is rarely easy for the living. It’s human, normal, to think of what we have lost, but sometimes it is equally important to think about what we have gained. Are there memories that make us smile? What stories will we share? How did those experiences shape us?

More than anything, the passing of a loved one reminds us how very fragile life is. Time is short. It is sad that it often takes loss to get us to step up and enrich our lives in the here and now. What can we learn by how they lived their life? How can we avoid the slippery slope of regret? How can we aspire to live a full life?

That cardinal and I sat on the porch together for a half hour before I turned in for the night. We didn’t say a whole lot to each other, but we sat together, an aura of calm and quiet surrounding us.

With her health on the decline, my grandmother never got the chance to see my home in New Hampshire, but she did promise to visit one day. In my heart of hearts, she did just that.