Parents must have been in a tizzy when Ferris Bueller’s Day Off came out. I was in the 6th grade. Watching a young Matthew Broderick do whatever the hell he wanted was not only amusing but awe-inspiring. What middle or high schooler didn’t want to feel as confident or in-control as Ferris Bueller? All a kid wants is for “the sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads” to “think he’s a righteous dude.”

Being Ferris Bueller

Not that I skipped school, mind you. Well, at least I didn’t in the 6^th grade. The only time I dared to miss even a class, I was a senior in high school. A goody two shoes, I followed the rules until one day, a month or so before graduation, I joined a small group of friends for breakfast. While other students dissected sonnets in AP English, I sat in a diner booth eating eggs and bacon. My heart raced the whole time, the food taking on an odd “I can’t believe I’m doing this” taste. I could feel it getting stuck in my throat with each bite. I couldn’t even enjoy it.

With Mission: Impossible as our background theme, my friends and I arrived back on school grounds just after first period. The halls were desolate, an oasis of cracked linoleum with litter by the water fountain. The other students were neatly tucked away behind closed doors as teachers droned on about their subjects of choice. A quick run to our lockers and we would be golden. No one would notice, we thought. We got this! Until someone got us.

Unfortunately, it was the school headmaster.

“What are you girls doing out here? Into my office. Now.”

Faking Out the Parents

I could feel the first inklings of an ulcer brewing in my belly.

What was a girl to do?

Deus ex machina, that’s what. A fight broke out at that very moment. Seemingly out of nowhere, two teenage boys jumped onto the scene and literally wrestled each other to the ground. In front of us, punches flew and grunts groaned. The headmaster didn’t hesitate to dive in and separate them.

With a shared look of relief, my friend and I scurried away to class before he could get our names.

I am sure Ferris Bueller would have handled that situation a lot better. He would have been smooth, his timing exquisite so that the halls would have been full of people when he got there. He would have had the perfect one-liner for the headmaster. To be honest, Ferris wouldn’t have even bothered to go back to school in the first place because he had so masterfully convinced his parents to give him the day off.

Except that he didn’t ‘convince’ them, he manipulated them.

The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It’s a good non-specific symptom. I’m a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but, uh, you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor’s office. That’s worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you’re bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It’s a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.

Ferris Bueller, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986)

Turning a Blind Eye

My parents would have kicked my butt for skipping school (sorry, mom!) but Ferris somehow had his parents wrapped around his finger. What was that all about? Were his parents so blinded by love they could not see through his schemes? Why did they turn a blind eye?

You see it time and time again. Parents not only want the best for their children, they want to see the best IN their children. Whether it’s because they see themselves reflected in their kids or because they want them to have what they never did, in their eyes, their sons and daughters can’t do wrong.

It once was the case that a teacher could report a child’s misdeeds to his parents and the child would be reprimanded, even punished for his behavior. Now the parents complain to the teacher for not giving their kids what they want. It once was the case that a child had to earn his accolades but now kids get a participation trophy for signing up for a team, even if they don’t bother to show up half the time.

That’s a lot of entitlement flying around, if you ask me.

They bought it. Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and they never doubted it for a second.

Ferris Bueller, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986)

Getting What You Want

As a mom, I get it. I only want to see the best in my kids too, but I would not be a very good parent if I let them get away with anything and everything. Children have to learn responsibility. More than that, they have to learn about consequences. As a parent, you won’t always be around to guide them down the right path but you can get them started on their best journey. To do that, you have to keep those proverbial doors of communication open. You need to be willing to talk about things when they go good and when they go bad.

Rebellion is a normal part of growing up. At some point, kids may argue, act out, sass talk, or make choices we do not agree with. They may even sneak off for breakfast during school hours using the whole “but you did it when you were a kid” argument no matter how many times you tell them that you had learned your lesson. They will want to make their own mistakes, even if they don’t see them as mistakes at the time. By talking things through, you can hopefully learn your lessons together and grow through them.

Even as an adult, I root for Ferris. I hope for a day off from work or whatever responsibilities bind ume That said, I can do it in a less delinquent way. Why manipulate people to get what you want when you can just be honest about it? Keep your fake stomach cramps and licked palms to yourself. If you want the day off, ask for it. Better yet, take it. The choice and the consequences are yours.