Life doesn’t always go according to plan. Even when we do everything “right”, life can surprise us and not in the best ways. Mary might get a divorce, Mike might lose his job, and Anna might go bankrupt. I lost my brother at the young age of 39. Suffering comes in all shapes and sizes.

Fake It Till You Make It

For a while, the world stops spinning and you feel like we are never going to get through these dark times. Before you know it, you get back to living, moving past whatever tripped you up along the way. That’s not always easy. It can be downright hard. Sometimes you have to pull yourself by the bootstraps (who wears bootstraps anyway?) and fake it till you make it.

Look at Rebecca Greenwood in Confessions of a Shopaholic. When the confessed shopaholic loses her job at a gardening magazine, the creditors start calling. She needs a paycheck to pay down her debt and fast. Since she’s not lucky enough to win the lottery, she applies to be a writer at her favorite fashion magazine. When that doesn’t work out, she applies for another opening in the same publishing company. The problem? She is hired to write articles for a financial magazine and she knows nothing, nada, zilch about money. She is literally hiding from debt collectors!

Avoid Surface Acting

It’s one thing to fake it till you make it if that means putting on a brave face. People tend to respond more favorably to someone who is more confident and engaged. Play the part, the rationale goes, and before long, it will come naturally to you.

That can get tricky though. Sociologists have studied what they call surface acting. This is when someone puts on a fake smile to mask what they’re really feeling. Not only does it come off as insincere but it physically and emotionally stresses you out. Being inauthentic is exhausting work!

Do yourself a favor and go deeper. Ask yourself what it is you really want. When you understand what drives you, it is easier to take the necessary steps to get you there. Even if you don’t feel like smiling at any given moment, at least you have a sincere motivation for giving it a try. Your intention behind an act makes all the difference.

Stand in a Power Pose

Although an insincere smile could work against you, the same cannot always be said for positive body language. Posing in a power position actually makes you feel good about yourself, even if you don’t feel so great to start.

There’s a reason Wonder Woman’s pose is so iconic. Hands on hips, her body language conveys positivity and confidence. Someone who is more closed off, arms crossed across their chest, could come off as unsure, maybe even unapproachable. Faced with these options, who would you want to talk to?

Researchers have shown that standing in a power position for a whole minute (that’s a long time!) actually boosts testosterone levels and decreases levels of the stress hormone cortisol. It goes beyond looking like you are confident. There is a physiologic reason to explain why you feel so good.

Be Your Authentic Self

It is one thing to smile warmly and to stand with confidence, but Rebecca Greenwood takes it too far. She outright lies to get ahead. Whether it’s her pretending to speak fluent Finnish or her litany of “excuses” that get her out of anything and everything, one lie builds on another until everything spirals out of control. She is revealed to be a fraud and nearly destroys every meaningful relationship in her life. Yikes!

That said, would Rebecca Greenwood have had the chance to work for a big-time publishing company had she not faked it? In the real world, we are not all given equal opportunity. We can either accept the status quo or we can carve out our own path.

Born into a lower-income family, I could have settled and lived the life I had always known. Instead, I pushed myself to go to college, the first in my family to do so, and became a doctor. I paved my path with grit and perseverance. I worked hard for everything I got.

The trick is to find creative ways to get what you want. Faking it till you make it is a first step, but it’s not enough. Be brave, stand tall, and above all, act with dignity. With hard work and tenacity, you can turn the tide in your favor, and you can do it without lying. It’s better than living a life with regrets.

 

Carney DR, Cuddy AJC, Yap AJ. Power Posing: Brief Nonverbal Displays Affect Neuroendrine Levels and Risk Tolerance. Psychological Science. Oct 2010; 21(10):1363-68.

Grandey AA. Surface Acting and Deep Acting as Determinants of Emotional Exhaustion and Peer-Rated Service Delivery. Academy of Management Journal. Feb 2003; 46(1):86-96.

Surakka V, Hietanen JK. Facial and Emotional Reactions to Duchenne and Non-Duchenne Smiles. International Journal of Psychophysiology. June 1998; 29(1):23-33.