Psychiatrist Elizabeth Kübler-Ross is famous for her research on death and dying. Her theory was that people go through five stages of grief when they deal with a major loss. The model was not a way to say how people should grieve but how some people, at least in some cultures, cope with change.

The Kübler-Ross model is just one way to show how people adapt in stressful times. Writers know a thing or two about stress too. As they go through the process of writing a book, they roller coaster through ups and downs not all that different than what we see in the Kübler-Ross model. Twisting that model on its axis, the five stages of grief become the five stages of writing!

Denial

Writing a book is going to be easy.

Anyone who was has ever written a book knows that it is not easy. That didn’t stop them from trying. There was something driving them forward, a need to share their thoughts and ideas with the world. When they first started out though, they may have looked at the world through rose-colored glasses, thinking that their creative energy alone was going to put their words on the page. It takes more than that, folks. It takes perseverance and grit, the gumption to keep writing even when you don’t feel like it, the courage to have beta-readers and editors critique your work. To deny the process, to deny the challenges, is to deny what it means to be a writer.

Anger

Muse, why have you abandoned me?

Writers savor those times when their words flow like water. They dread those times when writer’s block turns off the faucet. No one can be on their A-game all the time, but damn, it can be frustrating. Maybe they struggle with plot holes or the drudgery that is “the middle”. They are angry they haven’t landed an agent or a publishing deal. They get bent out of shape over a bad book review. No matter what it is, know that these things do pass. It’s better to take all that pent-up energy and direct it back into your writing.

Bargaining

If only, if only, if only.

If only writers had more time to write! If only they had a literary agent! If only more people would buy their books! If only they were on the New York Times Best Seller List! “If only” is the quintessential bargaining tool. Some writers believe that if this happens, then success will follow. If only it were that easy (pun intended)! There are many talented writers out there but not everyone can afford to quit their day job. Writing is not lucrative for most of us, and the publishing industry is ripe with gender bias, racial bias too (#PublishingPaidMe). Still, it’s fun to dream the dream.

Depression

It’s not like I’ll ever get published anyway.

Some writers despair when things don’t go according to plan. Unfortunately, writing as a career can be unpredictable, especially for those of us just starting out. It can be hard to keep going if you feel demoralized. Take heart in knowing that even some of the most prolific writers (yes, even Stephen King) have faced rejection. Some well-known authors were not published until middle-age or later in life. There is always hope. Keep working on your craft and it will get better in time.

Acceptance

Hey, I got this!

At some point, hopefully, the clouds part and a choir of angels sings. The writer works their way through a difficult scene; they finish their manuscript; they not only land a book deal they get a juicy advance; they earn a five-star review from a stranger. The “wins” can be big or small but every “win” is encouragement. The writer can use that accomplished feeling to build momentum and keep thriving in their work.

Meaning

Later in life, Kübler-Ross penned a book with her protege David Kessler. Their book, On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss, was published after her passing and added a sixth stage of grief — meaning. They encourage people to finding meaning in their struggle and to grow from it. To this I say, the best way to find meaning is to love what you do. If you love writing, do it. It will make the journey worthwhile.