I remember growing up thinking I could never be president. It wasn’t because I wasn’t intelligent or that I didn’t have drive. I was a straight A student and I worked for everything I got. It wasn’t because I did not have leadership qualities. You only had to look at my extracurriculars to see that I worked well with others. It sure wasn’t because I couldn’t make a strong argument. I can thank the debate team for that one. It was because my father was an addict and by default, that made me a “bad kid”.

The Stigma of Reality

Not that I ever wanted to be president. Quite frankly, the politics of lying have never been for me. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t constantly reminded how quick people are to dig dirt on you, anything to shame you or knock you down. Even if something was not your fault, your mere association with it made you a bad person.

Of course, I know none of that is true — now — but that’s how it felt growing up. I took on the stigma of my father’s addiction, and it influenced not only how I saw myself but how I interacted with others. Instead of focusing on my strengths, I defined myself by those things that made me feel less worthy, things that I felt I had to overcome. I spent my childhood trying to fight an unseen battle rather than just goofing around and being a kid.

It’s not that uncommon for young people to develop limiting beliefs in their formative years. These mistaken beliefs about ourselves and the world around us can hold us back. That’s when walls are built. Only when we realize that it is better to let people in, that not everyone intends to tear us down, that the walls are holding us back from engaging in meaningful ways, can we start to reach our true potential.

Making the Most of a Bad Situation

It turns out I didn’t need to worry. If I ever wanted to run for president (and I don’t), I could. Not that it applies to me, but apparently, anyone could run for president even if they cheated on their spouse(s), their taxes, and their country. Why? Nowadays people thrive on bad news (and even fake news) to win the day.

This misshapen reality goes beyond politics. Take a look at talent-based reality show competitions like America’s Got Talent, American Idol, and The Voice. I watch these shows because I enjoy listening to music and discovering new artists. Voting adds to the fun of it. What I don’t like is that each contestant tries to woo you with their “story”.

You know how it works. Before they take the stage, a package reveals how someone overcame some tragedy or other, no matter how contrived. Their story is meant to inspire you (and your vote). Apparently, if you have not had some sort of horrible life experience, you do not deserve the opportunity to be on the show, never mind a reasonable chance to win.

We can blame the networks. After all, they will do anything to boost their ratings. Still, the contestants are the ones that allow themselves to be reduced to tragic one-liners rather than letting their talent stand on its own.

Counterprogram Your Reality

Odds are, at some point in your life, you have been judged for something that happened to you, something you did, or something you believed in. Think how great it would be to put on some virtual reality goggles and make it all go away! Then, you can just be yourself.

Believe it or not, you have the power to do just that. All you have to do is counterprogram your reality. You may not be able to change how others see you, but you can change how you see the situation. Instead of the negative programming people put on you, instead of falling prey to their self-righteousness and biases, play your own highlight reel.

It is time to start showing some compassion not only towards others but to ourselves. We are so much more than what that happened to us in the past. Yes, we grow from those experiences, and by all means, we should celebrate our resilience. That does not mean we should sell ourselves short by focusing only on those things we think will impress others. The trick is to be authentic, your true self, your whole self. If that’s how you come to be president or a reality show winner one day, all the better. That’s the brand you should stick with!