Back when we were kids, it was easy to make friends. Who doesn’t remember having a Teddy, Vern, Gordie, or Chris in their lives? Friends come and go over the years, but the ones that stand by us are the ones that stay in our hearts.

Friends That Stand By You

I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?

Gordie Lachance, Stand By Me (1986)

Connection. It is so important. Despite the advent of social media, people are less connected than ever before. They struggle to develop meaningful relationships and the relationships they do have often do not get the care and attention they deserve. As adults, we often blame work and life’s responsibilities for keeping us busy, but it really falls on us to prioritize what matters. People. People matter. Who are the people in your life? Are they good friends? More importantly, are you a good friend to them?

A good friend will reach out “just because”.

Someone who reaches out to you only when they want something is suspect at best. If they only care to talk when there is something to gain, are they a friend at all? I’d say they are more of a salesman. You don’t always have to buy what they’re selling.

A good friend will be there when the going gets tough.

It’s not always comfortable to reach out to someone who is struggling or in pain. Maybe someone doesn’t know how to talk to you about what you are going through. The least they can do is lend an ear. If you are not ready to talk, their being present can be enough. If they cared about you, they would not abandon you when you need them most.

A good friend will support you in good times too.

Beware of the green monster. Someone who is jealous or bitter about your success could bring you down. They may not even mean to do it, but if they always seem to turn the focus onto themselves or somehow belittle your efforts, that could be a warning sign. A good friend should want to celebrate your achievements too.

A good friend will support you but will also call you out on your BS.

It’s important that a friend be supportive. At the same time, they should be honest with you. Someone who only tells you what you want to hear is not doing you any favors. Their attempts to keep the peace, so to speak, show that they do not trust you enough to tell you the truth. It will be difficult to form a meaningful relationship that way.

A good friend will respect you.

It costs nothing to be kind. When delivering unwanted news, a good friend can do it gingerly. They will avoid mansplaining and will steer clear of double standards. They won’t lie, they won’t talk about you behind your back, they won’t keep hurtful secrets, and they won’t push you to do things you are not comfortable doing. It’s all about the golden rule: do to others what you would want done to you.

A good friend will show empathy.

Not everyone makes the same life choices but that doesn’t mean we can’t get along. Someone should be openminded and not judge you for taking a different path than they did. Someone who is rigid in their thinking may be overly critical and make you feel bad about yourself. Instead, a good friend will challenge their biases and be empathetic. Building an emotional connection adds depth to your relationship.

A good friend will agree to disagree.

It’s not realistic to think that everyone will agree on every issue every time. That does not mean that you should throw away a perfectly good friendship. A friend will talk things out, apologize when they are in the wrong, and forgive when, and if, they can. If there are irreconcilable differences, you may have to part ways, but if it is that easy to walk away, did you have a strong friendship in the first place?

Be a Good Friend

It doesn’t take much to be a good friend. Be open, honest, and kind. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Take time out from your busy schedule to be with the people you care about. That means reaching out to others. Don’t be that person who sits back waiting for people to come to you. It’s time to be an active participant in your life.