If someone looks upset, I ask what’s wrong and *gasp* actually mean it when I ask if I can help. I hold the door open for people in public places. Sometimes I even pay for a free coffee for a stranger in line at a cafe. It is a golden egg that makes me feel good as a person.

The Expectation Trap

There are plenty of things I take on that don’t make me feel so good though. These are the so-called obligations that are really expectations in disguise. All my life people have pushed, i.e. “inspired”, me to step out and do more. While their encouragement may have started out with good intentions, it has evolved into an expectation trap. Once people see what you can do, they expect it from you all the time. There is rarely any let-up.

That would be fine and dandy if those expectations allowed me to work towards things that brought me joy, gave me satisfaction, or instilled hope. Instead, I often feel coerced to do things I would rather not. People volunteer me for projects or guilt me for not stepping in. Too often I find myself doing things for everyone else, leaving less time for the things that bring personal meaning to my own life.

Too Many Eggs in the Basket

I don’t mind working hard. In fact, I do not think I could live any other way. The trouble is I am a people pleaser at heart. I like to help. I thrive on the high I get from making someone else’s life a little bit better. Because of this, I take on more than I should and I know I am not the only one. “Too many eggs in the basket” syndrome is all too common.

When you carry too many eggs, the basket grows heavy. Your arms strain to lift it up. At some point, you will drop the basket or the basket itself will start to fall apart. Some, if not all, of those precious eggs will crack.

The trick is to lessen the load. You need enough eggs to engage you but you also want a basket light enough for you to skip around and enjoy everyday life.

• Take an honest look inside your basket. Are there any rotten eggs? Rotten eggs are toxic. Toss them out.
• Are there any eggs that don’t appeal to you? You do not have to toss them out per se. Respect that they matter to someone you know and delegate them back to their proper owners.
• Are there any eggs that you didn’t put in the basket yourself? People will sneak up and add eggs to your basket without your permission. Hand them back and say “no thank you”.

If you are lucky, you may find a golden egg in the mix. Each golden egg has value. They mean something to YOU. Hunt down as many as you can find. These are the ones you need to nurture.

Hatching New Ideas

I find myself at a point in my life where I have grown physically and emotionally tired. All those unwanted obligations have worn me out. That’s why I’ve put down my basket. I have removed a few bad eggs already, have delegated a few more, and am buffing up a handful of precious eggs, my writing among them. Each golden egg is now full of promise, a new idea waiting to hatch.

Focusing on what really matters has energized me. I can now help others in ways I find fulfilling and meaningful, even if they do not fall in line with the expectations of the past. It is refreshing to not sacrifice myself for the betterment of everyone else.

Altogether, I am feeling much lighter these days. If you see me skipping by one day, feel free to wave. I may ask how you are doing, I may hold open doors for you, and I may even buy you a coffee. These are the things I want to do. A lighter basket has given me that freedom.