We all know the story of Pretty in Pink. Poor/rich girl meets rich/poor boy. It’s full-out class warfare, aka Romeo and Juliet without the death and violence. At the very heart of it, young lovers defy social norms to be with the ones they love. I say it goes deeper than that. Pretty in Pink is actually a story about a giver and a taker.

Not All She Is Cracked Up To Be

Andie is everything we could want in a teenage heroine. She is smart, earning herself a college scholarship. Creative too, designing her own clothes with confidence. She stands her ground against bullies, stays true to her values, and puts peer pressure aside to date a boy she likes, no matter how much money he has in his wallet.

At first glance, she seems the perfect role model, until you realize she’s not. Not by a long shot. You see, Andie may sound like a real winner on paper, but she is not exactly the sort of person you want to be around.

The truth? Andie, like so many people out there, is a taker.

Givers and Takers

A taker look to find what’s in it for themselves. You know the type. They show little compassion for others and shift the focus to me-me-me. They want to be the ones “pretty in pink” and not let others look good. When you look closely at Andie’s relationships, that’s exactly what you see.

Jack (Harry Dean Stanton). Andie’s unemployed father who mourns the wife that left him years ago. When her dad buys her a new prom dress, does she say thank you? Of course not. Instead, Andie berates him for spending the money and reminds him her mother “didn’t want us”. Nothing says I love you quite like guilting and pressuring your dad into doing what you want instead of helping him work through his pain.

Iona (Annie Potts). The spunky record shop manager who stops a shoplifter with a nail gun. When Andie finds out her friend is in love, does she celebrate the occasion? Of course not. Instead, she blubbers on about herself and asks for Iona’s old prom dress. “I just need it.” The next thing we see, Andie cuts Iona’s memories into itty bitty pieces to make a monstrosity of a gown that rivals the worst maternity wear.

Duckie (Jon Cryer). Andie’s best (and seemingly only teenage) friend with killer shoes. More than a quirky classmate with eccentric style, Duckie is also Andie’s not-so-secret admirer. It’s a damn shame she dismisses him so easily, quick to leave him behind for a piece of eye candy. Case in point, she turns to him as a last minute date for the prom and then dumps him on the spot when she lays eyes on “major appliance” Blane.

Try a Little Tenderness

What do Jack, Iona, and Duckie have in common? They are the givers. They show kind, if at times broken, hearts and do what they can to be there when their loved one is in need. Jack raises Andie on his own and strives to give her everything she needs. Iona gives her not only a job but her friendship. Then there’s Duckie, dear Duckie.

Duckie may not be part of the “in” crowd but that’s what makes him so gosh darn special. Nothing stops him from being the kind of guy he wants to be. He may be a fashionista who wears his heart on his sleeve, but he is loyal and true, there for Andie through thick and thin, as a friend or otherwise. In his own way, he is the hero of the story.

When he lip syncs Otis Redding’s Try a Little Tenderness, Duckie is all of us.

Frisky and free, hopeful and fun, we could all use a little tenderness, a little more kindness, in our lives. The trick is to be a giver and not a taker. Better yet, surround yourself with like-minded people, givers all around.

When I am surrounded by takers it wears on my spirit. It can be emotionally exhausting and even demoralizing. Stepping back and taking a mindful inventory of the people in your life can make a world of difference. Who makes you feel good about yourself? Who brings you down? I have had to do some soul searching in my own life. My choices have not always been easy but cutting ties has saved me a lot of heartache over the years.

In your own life, would you rather be “pretty in pink” with Andie or Duckie? Remember, Molly Ringwald wasn’t part of the “brat pack” for nothing.