Samantha Baker’s sixteenth birthday was a bust. Not only did her family forget about her big day, she was humiliated when a random geek shows a pair of her underwear to a bunch of guys in the bathroom during a high school dance. Add to that the fact that she had a huge crush on Jake Ryan, the popular and handsome senior who “doesn’t know I exist”, and she was sunk.

Jake Ryan Is a Dreamboat?

The thing is, Jake did know she existed and that’s why teenage girls around the world were so enamored with him in the ‘80s. He was willing to look past the fact that she was a lowly sophomore (*rolls eyes*) and give her a birthday she would never forget (*sigh*). When Jake waited outside for her at the church, leaning on his red Porsche, he was unbelievably romantic.

Jake: “Happy birthday, Samantha. Make a wish.”

Samantha: “It already came true.”

Too bad Jake Ryan is everything the #metoo movement warns you about.

Jake Ryan Is the Villain

Sorry to kill your childhood fantasies but Jake Ryan is a misogynist. Look past the glossy surface and see what lies beneath.

• He doesn’t break up with his current girlfriend, Caroline, before going after a new girl. If he didn’t feel things were going in the right direction with Caroline, he should have had the decency to tell her beforehand.
• He treated Caroline like a thing. He literally says, “I got Caroline in the bedroom right now, passed out cold. I could violate her ten different ways if I wanted to.” Nice way to endorse date rape, Jake.
• He acts like a pimp when he hands a passed-out Caroline over to a guy he knew for an hour at best. He even tells this stranger to drive his girlfriend home and “to have fun with her”.
• He only shows interest in Samantha after he sees her answers to an “anonymous” sex quiz, not so anonymous when her paper falls to the floor and Jake steals it. Classy. Until then, he didn’t even bother to know her name. Did he only chase her now that he saw her as a potential sexual conquest?
• He shows up at her church unannounced. She never told him her sister was getting married, not to mention when or where. Either he has connections (remember, there are no internet or mobile phones in the ’80s) or he is a stalker.

There are far too many warning signs here. You can do better, Samantha.

The Geek Is the Villain Too

Don’t think that Jake Ryan is the only bad guy in the movie though. Ted, aka Geek (Anthony Michael Hall), may not be good looking or popular but he has the same misogynistic tendencies.

• He invades Samantha’s personal space on the bus. After calling her “fully-aged sophomore meat” to his friends, he harasses her at the dance. He tries to physically jump on her, not once but twice, when they talk together in the auto shop. She insults him, she pushes him off her, she walks away, but he refuses to leave her alone.
• He lies to his friends, implying he had sex with Samantha. Then he shows them a pair of her underwear to “prove” it. For kicks, he even has them pay per view.
• When he drives the all-too inebriated Caroline home, Ted doesn’t stop her when she slips her face into his lap while he is driving. Instead, he breaks the fourth wall and tells us “this is getting good”.
• He asks his friends to take pictures of Caroline in compromising positions, pictures that would act as social proof that he hooked up with the prom queen. Who cares whether it is true or not? Not Ted! He doesn’t care about the girl. All he cares about is his image.
• From the sounds of it, neither Caroline or Ted are really sure if they had sex. Still, his knee-jerk response is to ask her “did I enjoy it?” He tries to correct himself by asking about her experience too but it’s too little too late. He already showed his true colors.

That is not the kind of reputation you want to make for yourself, Ted. Not even close.

A John Hughes Misstep

John Hughes’ films often trigger feel-good nostalgia but not in this case. Sixteen Candles is an awful reminder of how pervasive and accepted sexual harassment really was and in some cases still is. It’s very disturbing.

People can argue that teenagers are run by their hormones. They can say boys will be boys. They can say whatever they want, but I say enough is enough. There is no excuse for sexual harassment or sexual abuse. It’s shameful that it was used as a comedic device in the movie, and it’s shameful that people found/find it amusing.

If I had Samantha’s birthday wish, I wouldn’t wish for a Jake Ryan. He can keep those good looks to himself. Instead, I would wish that people could learn to respect each other and themselves. Let’s put an end to the harassment and abuse.