There are a lot of ugly -isms out there. Ableism, ageism, chauvinism, racism. The list goes on. Whether you face these issues personally or you see them play out in the media every day, they have become pervasive in our society.

A World of -Isms

Not so for Bob Wiley. He is too obsessed with his own hang-ups to worry about any of those things. A neurotic recluse, even leaving his apartment is a chore. His breakthrough comes when he meets New York psychotherapist Dr. Leo Marvin. Promoting his book, Leo encourages Bob to take life one “baby step” at a time. Inspired to continue his therapy, an overly needy Bob goes so far as to follow Leo — uninvited — on his family vacation.

It doesn’t take long for Bob to open himself up and befriend Leo’s family. Before you know it, Bob forms a better bond with his kids than the doctor himself. He even teaches Sigmund (a great name for a psychotherapist’s son!) to dive, something Leo has been unable to get him to do for years. Even though his family enjoys his company and overcomes some of their own set-backs in the process, all Leo can do is complain about Bob for being there in the first place.

Bob and Whataboutism

Stalking your doctor is no laughing matter, not that Bob saw it that way. He was like a child desperate for attention. Still, as a professional in emotional disorders, Leo could have done a better job addressing the issue. Instead, Leo circled around what bothered him, became obscenely jealous, pushed the man into a lake, and even tried to blow him up!

No one wants to be caught doing something wrong. Worse, they do not want to be shown up by someone they don’t like or by someone they see as beneath them. (Life tip: Maybe they shouldn’t look down on people!) When that happens, self-esteem can take an ugly hit. The knee jerk response may be to deflect that pain and hurt by turning the attention away from themselves and onto other people.

Whataboutism is exactly what it sounds like. When someone makes a mistake, instead of acknowledging they were wrong or taking responsibility for their actions, they ask “what about” so-and-so who did that other bad thing. Leo pushed Bob into a lake, but what about Bob?

The Hypocrisy of Whataboutism

Whataboutism is everywhere. Whether it’s Leo justifying his rudeness to Bob or Donald Trump deflecting any number of scandals to talk about Hilary Clinton’s emails, don’t fall for it. All whataboutism does is detract from what matters most – the truth.

If we agree that one action is worse than another action, does that make the other action “okay”? No. Two wrong don’t make a right. If we accept whataboutism, then nothing can be “wrong” as long as we can think of things that are worse, or equally bad. That’s a dangerous precedent to set.

Rise above the propaganda and lies. Stand up for what is right, even if it means humbling yourself every now and then. After all, every mistake is an opportunity to learn and grow.

Be brave, fess up, and move on. It says more about your character than any whataboutism. There are better -isms you could turn to anyway. How about activism, altruism, humanitarianism, and optimism for a start?