Not everyone has the privilege of knowing someone like Loraine Coe. I am blessed to say that I did. We met back in 2008 when I worked as a family physician in Durham, CT. She held the front office together and I cared for patients in the exam rooms. It didn’t matter that we came from different backgrounds or that we were nearly 30 years apart in age, we became the best of friends. If there is a friendship version to soul mates, we were it.

She was there for me when my father passed away, when I gave birth to my daughter, when I stepped back from clinical medicine, when I published my first book, and when my brother passed away. All of these events were life-changing for me, and without fail, she stood by me.

I’d like to think I stood by her too. Her last months were not easy as she battled cancer, but I did my best to lift her spirits. I called and texted her as often as I could. My daughter and I sent her cards and artwork. We prayed together too. My one great regret is that I was not physically by her side at the end.

Though my dearest friend left this Earth on March 16, 2020, she will forever be with me in spirit. Loraine left behind a family she loved with her heart and soul and a community stronger for her service and volunteerism. A woman wise in years and experience, she taught those she knew many lessons over the years. I, for one, can say she made me a better woman. That is why I want to share her legacy with you through these simple life lessons she lived each and every day.

1 – Count your blessings.

People do not express enough gratitude. There is so much to be thankful for whether it’s simply waking up in the morning to having food to eat. Each day has its own blessings. Look for them. Acknowledge them. Tell people you love them. You never know how long you are going to get.

2 – Keep learning.

Loraine was a life-long learner, always trying to better herself. During her first round of chemotherapy, she met a fellow patient, “a chemo buddy”, who happened to be a high school teacher that spoke French. Did Loraine wallow in her illness or the side effects of her treatment? Nope. She bought a few books as a refresher course in French (she said she was “rusty”) so she could talk to her new friend in another language during their next chemotherapy session!

3 – Do your research.

Trust me, there’s a lot you don’t know. A whole lot. The worst that can happen is that you drink the Kool-Aid and believe everything that people tell you. Question everything. Whether it is about politics or what to buy at a store, find out for yourself. Only then can you know you are making the right choice for you.

4 – Write it down.

Loraine trained many of the front-desk staff that worked in our medical office. She was always willing to help but she had one pet peeve — people who did not write things down. If you are learning something new, odds are you aren’t going to remember it all later. Write it down! Don’t take for granted there will be someone there to help you down the road. Don’t waste someone’s time by having them repeat themselves over and over again because you did not take initiative.

5 – Listen.

Loraine was beloved not because she was a big talker. It’s because she was a listener, a figure-outer, someone who found the best in people by daring to see life through their eyes. She opened her heart to those she cared about, listening to hear not to speak, listening without judgment. Her sincerity and kindness of spirit was a comfort to many.

6 – Do the right thing even when it’s hard.

Loraine may not have always been popular in the office, but she always did what was right. There were no participation trophies or gratuitous pats on the back. Forget kowtowing to what people wanted. You get what you earn. What she did was look at a situation from all sides, assess it, and take the most appropriate action, no matter how difficult. It was one of the things I admired about her most.

7 – It is what it is.

Anyone who knew Loraine knew this gem — it is what it is. If you can change things for the better, by all means, do it. That said, there’s no point worrying about the things you cannot or will not change. Time spent worrying is time lost enjoying the good things in your life. Focus on the things that matter here and now and enjoy life as you live it.

I miss you, Loraine Coe. It was a true honor to know and love you.